N7 - Shakarian Snapshots
by Katie Crombie
Summary: Snapshots of Jane and Garrus' story as they go through Mass Effect 2. I wrote this as what I imagined they were feeling between the cutscenes, what they were thinking about, and how they ended up together. Slow-burn-y. Their emotional states in such a tumultuous time in their lives colliding. I hope you enjoy it.
1. Prologue - The Normandy SR1

The Normandy was burning.

The blinking holo-panels in front of the commander's face spelled out doom for her ship. _Massive hull breach in the bridge. Environmental controls failing. Evacuate._

Evacuate. It was the end of the SR1.

Paneling fell away, spitting wires swinging from the ceiling. Blood red flashing lights flooded every passageway. Every time a blast hit, the ship shook harder.

 _Like earthquakes. Spacequakes? Focus. Fuck._

She entered the emergency codes that would release the distress beacon. But she knew it was too late. Whatever was hitting them was hitting them _hard_.

"Commander!"

Jane turned to see Kaidan, armored and ready, his skin tinted by the hallway's crimson glow. His face was of stone and he was steady, even as the ship rocked. She focused on him, solid, dependable, even in the face of death. She mirrored his posture as she put on her helmet.

"The distress beacon is ready for launch." _Let's hope it's not too late_ , she held herself from saying.

"The Alliance will come. We're getting everyone into the escape pods. But Shepard, Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship."

Another blast threw them both off balance and flames exploded between them. Regaining their footing, Shepard grabbed an extinguisher off its wall mounting and went to toss it to the lieutenant. When she had turned around, he had already bridged the distance between them. Through his now secure helmet, she swore she could see those dark eyes narrow.

"I'm not leaving either," he said.

 _God damn you, Alenko._ This was not the time for feelings, regardless of her own. She shoved the extinguisher against his chest and stepped away.

"Lieutenant, I need you to make sure everyone else gets loaded up and launched. I'll take care of Joker." The ships violent shaking seemed to widen the distance between them. She turned to the panel behind her to shut off the area's electricity.

"Jane...!" Kaidan called, reaching out. The commander hardened her voice as she gave up the task to simply rip the offending cords out of the wall.

"Kaidan go. _Now!_ "

He stepped away hesitantly, then ran below to the crew deck. Shepard sighed and made her own way with quick and careful footing up the stairs to the CIC. As Tremors and terrible shocks ran through the floundering ship, attempting to trip her up - many nagging thoughts itched at the back of her mind. Who or what could have the power to both detect and destroy the most advanced ship in the Alliance fleet? The Reapers? The Geth?

 _Shit_. Shepard ducked under a spout of fire - she didn't have time to stop and fix it. _This ship is going to be unsalvagable,_ she thought grimly _._ She wasn't overly sentimental, but the Normandy had been reliable. State-of-the-art. An impeccable ship, and one she was starting to think of as home.

She felt the escape shuttles finally launch as she reached the Command Center doors, and with the safety of her crew in check, engaged her magboots and refocused on the mission: Get Joker. Get out.

A blast of wind rushing from behind her sped her exit from the gravity-control of the hallway and into the CIC before the door slammed to conserve air. A monstrous force had ripped the roof from the hull. Noise from the sirens and sparks stopped, and the heat of the fires seemed to evaporate as if she had plunged into arctic water. Shepard could see the bulk of the nearby frozen planet... It was a beautiful sight, if not for the debris of her ship and the bodies of her crew distracting her, weightless, floating in the cold vacuum of space.

One frustratingly slow and heavy step at a time led her to the bridge. She was relieved to see a spherical barrier was shining strong and bright, surrounding the helm in a protective shell of air and limited gravity.

Joker was there - swiping at his flickering holo-screens and only giving into frustration for a split second at a time before locking back into focus and continuing his frantic attempts. Shepard allowed herself to feel a moment of pity and sadness for her pilot before putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, Joker! We've got to get out of here." He shook her off.

"No! Shepard, I can save her, I know I can. I won't abandon the Normandy!"

Suppressing a sudden surge of anger that pressed at a dam of a thousand emotions, Shepard pushed Joker's chair to rotate away from his console and looked him in the eyes.

"Jeff, we've lost her. It's over. I'm sorry. _We. Have. To. Go."_

Joker returned her gaze for a second, his own flurry of emotion passing over his eyes, and finally nodded.

"Yeah, okay. Help me up."

As Shepard reached out, another blast hit the Normandy, severing the bridge - a huge, bright laser that was closing in fast. Heart pounding, Shepard hauled Joker out of his chair and helped her disabled friend hobble into the helm's escape pod.

The intense beam hit the bridge once more and destroyed their little bubble of gravity, space's vacuum sucking the air and sending Shepard flying backwards, pulling her away from Joker and the pod. The world was spinning around her, But when she found her bearings, the bright, searing beam was between her and any chance of her own survival.

The eject console was to her left. She locked eyes with Joker, who was staring back with growing fear.

"Commander!" he yelled, his arm reaching out towards her.

She knew that if the beam got any closer to him, the pod's integrity would be compromised.

"Shepard! Fuck! NO!" Joker screamed, realizing what she already knew.

She activated the console. The doors closed, the shuttle left.

The hull exploded.

 ** _Commander Jane Shepard was listed Killed in Action 2183 CE by Alliance Military._**


	2. Freedom's Progress

_"Heavy Mechs, up ahead!"_

Shepard took cover as a barrage of missiles and bullets flew through the doorway of the portable apartment-pod she was just standing in. She was familiar with colony life - having lived on the planet Mindor from her birth until it was attacked by slavers - and remembered what it was like to live in the marginally unstable makeshift homes. She saw the bitterly ironic similarities in the two situations, though the roles were switched - this time _she_ was the soldier, swinging in to save the day... And she hoped desperately that there was someone to save. She rolled into a more advantageous position, outside the doors and under cover of a section of side railing, and took a series of shots at the mounted drones, taking out their shields. Jacob covered her move with a few shots of his own - the two of them had established a combat rhythm easily enough - and Miranda moved to Overload a rocket drone. The Cerberus operative could turn out to be quite the asset, Shepard thought, in combat and otherwise... if she could figure out how to trust the woman who freely admitted to almost implanting her with a _control_ _chip._ As for Jacob, Shepard liked him well enough. He was a good man, easily the most trustworthy person she had met since "waking up." She had felt a great surge of gratitude toward him on the shuttle ride to Freedom's Progress, especially after Miranda started asking about Akuze and Virmire. Ashley's death and the pain of it were still largely unattended wounds, ones she had preferred to leave alone. She remembered hiding out with Wrex on the ship, in attempts to avoid Kaidan and Liara's "talks" or dragging Garrus or Tali out to a Citadel bar when she wanted to forget about it. Tali didn't drink, and Garrus could take a lot before the alcohol got to his head. She would do that every once and a while for a month or so after Virmire, until Kaidan cornered her, angry at her for being selfish. Shepard had never had friends like Kaidan to help deal with such loss. That day, he made her see what a precious thing it is to have people who care, people you can trust.

A situation she would have given anything for now.

Jacob Pulled the last drone off the platform in front of them and the squad moved along. Every so often, Shepard would stop to search the nearby buildings for signs of life. After the third stop, Shepard saw Miranda rolling her eyes.

"Have you got a problem, Lawson?" She snapped with cool authority. Miranda cracked her neck in irritation but gave Shepard her attention.

"No, Commander," she said, smoothly. "But you should know we've already scanned the area. No signs of human life remain on Freedom's Progress." Shepard looked away, and Jacob scoffed. "You really blame her for being thorough?"

"It's fine, Jacob. She's right," Shepard interjected. "We'll move on."

She knew Miranda wasn't going to shoot her, she knew that the Illusive Man wasn't going to pour unlimited resources into reviving her just to kill her. But what Shepard wasn't sure of was Cerberus' motives as a whole. The organization - considered a _terrorist_ organization - had committed some unforgivable crimes in the past, with little to no consequences. Shepard had no reason to truly trust Cerberus - but she also had no choice but to work with them. The Alliance and the Council would have to petition to consider the costs and vote to start a committee to THINK about taking action. With Cerberus, Shepard could get the job done. Wasn't that the most important thing?


	3. The Terminus Systems - Omega

**Terminus Systems - Omega**

Garrus was running out of time.

He was tired. He was making mistakes. He knew he couldn't keep this up forever - not by a long shot - and he couldn't get out. The Blue Suns had him pinned.

He was surprised at himself. Everyone knows they're going to die, and he had never felt apprehension towards his own death, but even though when he was a boy he'd pictured himself going out in a blaze of valor, he had known, deep inside, that it would be _scary_. But now... he was ready for it. For two years, ever since he left the Normandy, everything had gone wrong. The council still didn't believe that Shepard - their damned _savior_ \- had enough evidence to prove that the Reapers even existed. Even after one showed up before their very eyes and attacked, they simply wrote it off as new Geth technology. Everyone knew, everyone who had fought Sovereign _knew_ something was off about it. It felt wrong, alien, in the traditional sense. But the Council refused to see what was in front of them. Even after Shepard _died_ , after the Normandy was taken down by something unmistakably new and powerful - nothing. And he couldn't do anything about it. So he left C-Sec, built a team of vigilantes and hitched it to Omega to do something - _anything_. He took down entire movements and cleaned up the streets as much as he could, tracking down dealers and stopping big merc groups from all sorts of mayhem... and then... Sidonis.

BAM. Garrus dropped a Sun peaking his head up a little too far. Thinking of that bastard made him trigger happy.

Garrus didn't stop working, even after his whole team was killed. He kept going - working at the Eclipse, the Blood Pack, and the Blue Suns until he found himself here, trapped in a hole with no way out.

Unless a miracle showed up, this would be his last day. And he would go down shooting.

He hadn't slept, couldn't eat, couldn't even get up for a drink of water without leaving the mercs an easy opening. Thankfully they had stopped sending in anyone experienced enough to be a challenge and started hiring freelancers. One after another, every one went down. Until - what was that? Off behind one of their barriers - a flash of auburn-red... no, it couldn't be. Yet, there it was again, closer this time. He took aim at the nearest Vorcha to the familiar head of hair. He shot. She didn't even flinch.

Shepard.

Well, he had his miracle.

BANG.

The Blood Pack Vorcha nearest to Shepard's left dropped dead instantly, a bullet lodged in his skull through his scarlet eye. Shepard didn't so much as blink as she continued through the ranks of mercs and their officers hustling to their places, getting ready for the attack. Having decided that, due to Archangel's current situation, that the Turian sharpshooter would be their first Priority, Shepard and her team had "recruited" themselves to the mercenaries' cause - take down the notorious Archangel, who had been running circles around the biggest criminals in Omega. It was an easy infiltration. Miranda had hacked the Eclipse's heaviest mech and Shepard had gathered as much information on Archangel and the attack as she could from the merc leaders. They were sending the freelancers - including Shepard and her team - to the bridge to give Archangel something to shoot at. The distraction would allow a hidden infiltration squad to sneak in closer, while another squad set off bombs in the underground tunnels to the apartments. Cathka, the officer in charge of the infiltration, was working on a gunship that would spearhead the final attempt. Shepard had the opportunity to take care of Cathka before he became a problem, but she never liked shooting before she was shot at. She was already going to have to do it once today.

Soon enough, the hired teams were green and headed out. Shepard and her squad followed behind the other freelancers onto the bridge... And Shepard took careful aim.

"Archangel?"

Garrus took a final shot and turned to see Shepard and her squad had made it up the stairs. The two behind her were Cerberus, that much he could see, one female, slight attitude, all business, the other male, stoic, an obvious career soldier. Shepard herself looked exactly the same. A little tense and unfamiliar, but most of that went away after he removed his helmet.

"Shepard." he hadn't realized how out of breath he was until he started talking. "I thought you were dead."

"Garrus!" Shepard exclaimed, relaxing. "What are you doing here?"

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice. Nice to see you too, by the way." he tried to keep his heavy breathing under control, but you can't hide from Shepard. Her face fell from pleasant surprise to soft concern fast. Her head tilted slightly, looking him over.

"You okay?" A hundred other questions danced behind her eyes - Humans had such expressive eyes - of course the only ones he'd seen lately were staring down the barrel of his rifle.

"I've been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face."

"I know the feeling. Are you hurt?"

"No. No, Shepard, I'm fine. Honestly."

She gave him a look he'd been on the receiving end of before - the "you better not be lying to me, Garrus Vakarian," look, and he smirked right back at it as she moved on to another topic.

"The Illusive Man said you disappeared. Honestly the Vigilante thing doesn't surprise me, but... Garrus." her voice lowered, eyes narrowed."How did you get yourself pinned like this? With no backup? It's suicide."

He carefully considered his answer, and Shepard followed him over to the balcony.

"My feelings got in the way of my better judgement. It's a long story... I'll make you a deal: you get me out of here alive, and I'll tell you the whole damned thing. Besides, I have a feeling your story is the more... interesting."

Shepard smiled and sighed, but didn't remove her gaze from the approaching Eclipse mechs below. For a moment, her eyes seemed hollow, then she raised her pistol and took out the nearest mech. _Such incredible aim for someone who doesn't use a rifle_. "I've got your ass if you've got mine. You know that," she said. Garrus laughed.

 _Well then,_ he thought, _I'd_ _better start shooting._ Garrus reloaded his rifle and knelt into the balcony cover, taking aim and a long, deep breath.

"Just like old times."

A shot rang out.

"Damnit. Well, they had to use their brains eventually."

Garrus was starting to feel like himself again, fighting with Shepard. She was kicking ass just as well as she used to, and it was a sweet sight to see. They had taken care of the Eclipse and now the Blood Pack were breaking through the lower level.

"You'd better get down there, Shepard. I'll keep the bridge clear."

"There is no way in Hell I'm leaving you alone up here. Let's split up two and two."

Garrus blinked. "You sure? You never know what you'll find down there." The thought of Shepard going down there with only one flank covered wasn't worrying per se, but it wasn't exactly comforting, either. Not to mention he wasn't so sure about fighting with one of the Cerberus-loyal babysitters. (No doubt that was the job given to them by the so-called "Illusive Man" - Shepard-sitting.) But if she trusted them...

She turned to the male human in her squad and ordered shortly: "Jacob, stay with Garrus. Keep him alive."

Shepard started towards the stairs with the dark haired female when Jacob replied, " If you say so. Though I'm not so sure it's a good idea."

Shepard stopped and turned around. She made sharp eye contact with the man and he straightened quickly to attention.

"Taylor, I'm trusting you with my friend's life. Can you handle it?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jacob replied, saluting. Garrus couldn't help but grin. That was Shepard, all right. Still in charge, and making sure they knew it. The Commander rolled her shoulders and continued on her way. Garrus could have sworn he heard her mutter: " _Damn straight._ "

Everything was moving too fast. The Blood Pack was gone, but the Blue Suns were still coming in force - they had made moderate repairs to the gunship and it had already come at them once. Garrus, Shepard and her two human squad mates were stuck on the top floor, which had become an easy kill zone for the Sun's bird. And it was coming back.

"Archangel!" A voice - undoubtedly Tarak - cried from inside the gunship, seething. Garrus turned to face his assailant.

"Damnit, Garrus, get down!" yelled Shepard, prepping her grenade launcher. But the damned Turian was too tired, too slow.

"NO!"

Pain. The sound of the ship crashing, of Miranda calling in help from the Normandy, of Jacob pointing out the obvious - "It looks bad, he needs medical attention, fast..." -all background noise to Shepard now. She was frantic - shoving medigel packs into his suit and listening hard for the sound of breathing. So much blood. God, there was so much. Bright blue and terrifying.

"Garrus," she whispered, "Garrus, you big idiot. _Breathe_."

And, like a good soldier, he did.

The last thing he saw were wide green eyes.


	4. Aboard the Normandy - Comms Room

"Commander?"

Shepard had been sitting in a corner of the Comm room, slowly wringing her hands and cracking her knuckles. When Jacob came in, she made herself stand up straight and put on her best brave face. She was a commander, and goddammit, she was going to act like it.

She was quiet for a minute. Then -

"How is he?"

"We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The docs corrected with surgery and some cybernetics. Best we can tell he'll have full functionality, but…"

He hesitated, and Shepard's breath caught. Full functionality, but what?

The door to the Comm room opened and a third voice pierced the brief silence.

"Shepard."

The tension rolled off the commander in visible waves as she let out a breath.

"Garrus."

"Tough son of a bitch. I didn't think he'd be up yet." Jacob said, sounding impressed.

"Chakwas wouldn't let me in," Shepard said, eyes still on the Turian, scanning him. He was walking okay, talking okay. He was tough. But he'd always been. "I was preparing to write you a eulogy."

"Have a little _faith_ , commander," Garrus chuckled.

Jacob saluted his commander and left the two to talk, nodding to Garrus on his way out. The turian relaxed against the wall by the door, crossing his arms casually.

D _isguising an attempt to rest,_ Shepard thought. But the fact that he was already up and walking put her at ease.

She stepped closer to her friend and put a hand on his shoulder, examining his wound: a huge gash took over the left side of his face, his right side, and a large bandage covered up his neck and part of his right shoulder and back. She could feel some padding through his blue civvies.

"Nobody would give me a mirror, how bad is it?"

She stepped back with her hands on her hips and smirked.

"Hell, Garrus, I can't see a difference! Slap on a little face paint- no one will even notice."

He laughed again a little harder, and his mandibles flared - something Shepard always found amusing about Turians- then cringed.

"Ow, ah, don't make me laugh, dammit, my face is barely holding together as it is..." he shrugged. "You know, some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan."

Shepard's grin widened, and she found Garrus examining her in turn.

"Frankly, I'm more worried about you," he said, stepping forward as she had done and tapping a talon on her Cerberus uniform, "And this. I've heard bad things about Cerberus these past few years." He paused before retreating, something seemed to catch his eye: his shadow had cast on Shepard's face and revealed her own scars, glowing slightly in the darkness. She noticed him looking, and before he could say anything more she gave him a gentle push and replied, "I'm fine. As for Cerberus... they're our only option, Garrus. Entire colonies are being abducted by the Collectors, and nobody else gives a damn." She pulled out a chair at the comms table and motioned for Garrus to sit with her. He held up his hands.

"I know. Nobody's doubting you, Shepard. Just... Cerberus's motives. But you know me. As long as it gets the job done." He sat, and for a moment they just watched each other, mutually exhausted.

"... are you sure you're alright?"

Talk of Cerberus, surgeries and scars was bringing her back to her first night aboard the new Normandy. Garrus wasn't usually one to prod, especially when it came to the sensitive stuff. But now more than ever, she needed to talk to someone.

"Yeah, I... I've been thinking a lot since I woke up. Making up for lost time, I guess,"

She put her head in her hands and took a breath, attempting to keep her voice under control.

"I was dead, Garrus. I didn't know it before, but I... I've been remembering... bits. Of when it happened. It was..." She shuddered.

"They worked on me for two years, trying to bring me back. Me. They gave me a new ship, a new crew, a new body and a new mission. Why? Why me?" She nervously fiddled with her old Alliance dog tags. Shepard was a good listener, and gave good advice. But when it came to her own feelings...

"I have no doubts about what has to be done, and Hell yeah, I'm doing it. But that's just about the only thing I'm certain of. I'm halfway between trusting Cerberus and kicking the Illusive Man in his holographic nads. Between organic and synthetic - who _knows_ what they did to me, necessary and otherwise - between dealing with this right and screwing it all up."

Garrus remained silent, and hadn't reacted but to lean forward, hands on knees, and incline his head slightly, listening. Shepard was staring at her hands.

"And if this skin is my own, and we're doing the right thing, then how must I look now? Not like the Commander Shepard they need." She looked up to see the Turian rising from his seat.

"Garrus, what if I'm not _her_ anymore?"

He turned away from her and put his hands against the counter along he wall.

G _reat. This is great. Stop fucking this up,_ she thought. But now that she had started, she couldn't stop. She stood to face him.

"I feel like I let this happen to you, Garrus," she admitted. "I should have taken care of Cathka when I had the chance."

"Shepard."

"He was repairing the gunship. He was all by himself, no weapons, _and_ his back was turned."

" _Shepard_."

"What was I _thinking_? What if we didn't get you to the ship in time? What if -"

" _Jane_. Stop."

She did. Mostly because it was the first time in so long that she'd heard her first name spoken out loud. Her the shock brought her back to reality and she noticed Garrus' talons clenched into fists in front of him. But when he turned, she saw an unexpected softness in his eyes. He spoke.

"Shepard, when you... When the SR1 went down, we all knew it wasn't the Geth. Anderson, Kaidan, Joker, Liara... All of us. It was the same scenario as after the fight with Sovereign but with less witnesses, no evidence, and no charismatic Alliance commander to lead he struggle. We were screwed. And every day I spent at C-Sec reminded me of all the political bullshit that made me join you in the first place was still going on. Only it was a helluva lot worse. So I left." He took a deep breath and released his fists. Shepard joined him at the counter, leaning against it next to him.

"I Hitched it to Omega with a team of 11 others - a Salarian, ex STG, a couple defected C-Sec officers, a Batarian tech expert, so on. We were quick and effective, busting more jobs and making more of a difference than I had ever done with C-Sec. But that fell apart, too. We were betrayed by one of our own - his name is Sidonis. He sent me on a false trail and by the time I got back to my team, he was gone and they were dead. I... I lost it, Shepard, and long story short, I ended up in the hellhole you found me in, with no one and nothing. I wasn't exactly giving up, but I knew I wasn't getting out of there alive. And then...

And then I saw you. Just the top of your head but I knew it was you. Everything logical told me it couldn't be, but all of that was out the window."

He paused, and looked her dead in the eyes. "You _are_ you, Shepard. Unmistakably."

Jane flushed and wrapped her arms around herself, looking away. Garrus shuffled his feet, coughed, and continued.

"And... you saved my ass, got rid of some of the biggest troublemakers on Omega, and did it within 48 hours after coming back from the dead. That's incredible. As for Cathka, if you had killed him, not only wouldn't it have made much of a difference, and trust me on that, but it wouldn't have made any sense, not for you. Hell, I would have killed him, but you? Shoot someone when their back was turned? An unarmed engineer? Never."

"I dunno, Garrus."

"Well, I do. And what I'm trying to say is, there's a reason they picked you. Why you are still here. You're not done, Shepard, not by a long shot. You're going to rip the galaxy a new one, and I'm gonna be right behind you. Just like old times."


	5. En Route to the Citadel

_**En Route to the Citadel, The Normandy Main Battery**_

 _From: Nalah Butler_

 _Commander Shepard,_

 _My husband was one of the men serving on Garrus' team. I don't know how much Garrus talked to you about what happened. I don't know the specifics myself, only that my husband died in a trap set by those bastard gangs. I know Garrus blames himself; he took every shot fired at his squad as a failure on his part, and it was clear when he sent me the message about my husband that he thinks it was his fault._

 _My husband would never have wanted that. He was proud of the work he did on Garrus' squad. He was taking back Omega from the gangs. He died fighting with honor. I miss him. God, I'd give anything to get him back. But whatever happened there wasn't Garrus' fault._

 _You're his commander now. Please, if you can, help him stop blaming himself. And please don't tell him that I sent you this. Thank you._

 _\- Nalah Butler_

Garrus was... busy calibrating.

At least, that's what he was telling people.

It didn't take him that long to get the ship's guns in check. You don't _need_ to calibrate the systems too often. _Maybe_ every time the ship bumps something, takes on particularly strong solar winds, or actually uses the damn things. But not everybody knows that.

Garrus had his ears to the ground.

" _... REPORT: SIDONIS, LANTAR. ALIASES - NEGATIVE. LOCATION - UNKNOWN. LAST KNOWN LOCATION - OMEGA, TERMINUS SYSTEMS. AGENT NOTE: I'm sorry, Garrus. If he's anywhere, it's not on this side of the galaxy. Honestly, if I were trying to get away from Archangel, I would do the same. I'll keep looking. You have my word. - L_ "

Garrus sighed. It wasn't his last lead, but it was his best. He'd just have to keep looking. And looking. And looking. The faces of his team hadn't left his dreams.

Being back on the Normandy helped. Shepard was worried about Cerberus xenophobia - as if the racial tensions on the SR1 had been any better - but the largely human crew didn't seem to have a problem with other species being on board. Friendly, even. The shadowed red-glow of the battery was comfortable after so long hiding in the dark. The only thing he didn't like about it was the terminal facing the door. His back. Facing the door.

It wasn't that he didn't trust the crew of the Normandy. It was just instinctual. He'd grow out of it eventually.

Hopefully.

In the meantime, he rested against the railing and scrolled through his e-mails on his omni-tool. It had been a while since he could log in as "Garrus Vakarian," citadel hero. His family and a few trusted friends had his "Archangel" contacts, but the rest of the world was in the dark. He had been okay with that.

He scrolled by an email from a blocked contact, then stopped dead.

 _"FROM: UNKNOWN_

 _TO: VAKARIAN, GARRUS_

 _SUBJECT: SIDONIS_

 _You need info, I need credits. Let's make a deal._

Attached was an encrypted extranet address.

Great. Somebody out there knew who he was, had his personal e-mail, AND was basically ransoming information on Sidonis for credits.

He turned to his terminal and started pushing buttons. _Callibrating. I'm calibrating. Totally not decrypting secret ransom notes._

At least, that's what he would tell people.

* * *

 _TO: SCDR K. ALENKO, ALLIANCE NAVY_

 _BC: NONE_

 _SUBJECT: Hey_

 _I'm writing you to let you know I'm alive. I miss you._

Backspace.

 _I'm writing you to let you know I'm alive and headed to the Citadel. I don't know where you are right now, or what you're up to, but if you happen to be around..._

Backspace.

 _Congrats on the promotion. I GOT REBUILT BY A TERRORIST ORGANNIZATIOPANSDGAK;LASJDF_

Shepard slammed a fist down through her holographic keys and onto her desk in the Captain's Cabin. What do you say to someone who you dated, thought you were dead for two years, and then has probably already heard you're alive? After the fuss she and her team had caused on Omega, it was anyone's guess as to what kind of information got out.

Maybe it was better not to say anything at all. Maybe he was better off without... all of this. Robot girlfriend working for human extremists. The world coming to an end as foretold by ancient aliens. Better to stick to the Alliance. He thrives in structure, after all. He's a good soldier.

 _And a good man._

For the first time since her revival, Shepard cried.


	6. Purgatory

**Purgatory**

Garrus was impressed.

There was a twinge of discomfort in his stomach, for sure. But he largely ignored it. This place was _justice_.

Armed and armored, he, Kasumi and Shepard walked through the halls of Purgatory. The huge super-max prison was a sight to behold. Out in the middle of nowhere, floating in space, shiny, clean and well-oiled. For all of his history and disgust with the Blue Suns, he had to admit they ran a tight ship. Or at least, Warden Kuril did.

The imposing Turian had led them through security and told them to meet him in outprocessing, where they could retrieve the prisoner "Jack." From what he had read on the mission's dossier, Garrus would have thought caging such a beast would be impossible. Apparently not.

The commander seemed less than pleased.

One of the hive-like cells had been brought up to hallway access, and a helmeted Suns merc was beating the prisoner inside. Shepard stood beside the similarly garbed cell guard, watching. Her eyes were aflame.

"Sick freaks," jabbed Kasumi, and Garrus nodded. Torture was an ineffective tactic, to say the least.

"This is beneath you," Jane said, eyes still fixed on the violence. Her voice was unnatural sounding, like she was doing her best to keep any emotion out of it.

"We have orders," replied the guard tersely. "This is nothing compared to the crimes he's committed." Garrus noted that the guard himself couldn't seem to watch.

"This is torture. And it's for _nothing,"_ Jane spat, wheeling to put her face two inches from the mask covering his face. "You don't have the balls to make your own decisions around here? _Call it off_."

The man stood still, and when Shepard didn't back down, he banged a fist on the transparent cell door. "Alright. That's enough," he said reluctantly, and the beatings ceased.

Garrus wasn't going to be the guy advocating for prisoner torture, but he was confused by his commander's emotional response. Shepard and her squad killed people every other day for doing less than what this man had done.

The three continued down the hall towards their destination, passing more cells. Jane largely ignored these, including one human male who - disturbingly - giggled and grinned while claiming to _"still hear the screams."_

They walked through the door to outprocessing and Shepard visibly relaxed. "Let's get Jack and get out of here," She said blandly, eyes forward. "I've got a bad feeling about this place."

"Agreed," said Kasumi, and briefly touched a hand to Jane's shoulder pauldron. "This place is disgusting."

The words "I dunno, Shepard," fell out of Garrus' mouth before he could reel them back in. But he was in this now, and Shepard had stopped to listen, so he might as well finish his thought. "These guys keep maniacs away from innocent people. I don't agree with everything they do here, but it's in the galaxy's best interests. I mean, did you see that guy?" He thumbed back towards the last prisoner, still rocking back and forth in his cell, a sick smile on his face. The door to the hallway snapped shut.

"I couldn't think of a better place for him."

Shepards' face was blank when she replied, quickly and quietly.

"Six feet under ground. Or in a mental hospital. Literally anything but slavery and torture, on top of ransoming the innocent people this place is supposed to protect." She turned away from him and started forward again. "We can have a debate on the ethics of private prisons another time, Garrus. You'll forgive me if my personal history clouds my judgement on the subject."

 _Shit_. He was a spirits-damned idiot. He opened his mouth to respond, and the door in front of them slid open.

The door to another cell. Shepard's eyes were wide. The team pulled out their weapons.

"Tell me again about this place's good intentions," hissed Kasumi, backing up and looking around the room, as a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"My apologies, Shepard. You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer..."

* * *

Shepard stripped herself of her armor and took a hot shower. She was in a bad mood. Tense. Between the oppressive atmosphere of Purgatory, her spat with Garrus and Kuril's inevitable betrayal... she was drained. Of course. Of course the warden of the for-profit slave-prison would try to turn on her.

He sure as hell got his. Shepard sunk the last shot herself.

She washed up, and when she was all clean and dry she massaged all of her sore muscles and put on some soft, silky pajamas. Soft, silver, embroidered with the the Cerberus logo. She usually ran too hot for garments like these, but she just wanted to be cozy, goddamnit. After escaping an exploding vessel full of escaped maniacs, she deserved one night of luxury. She pulled out all the stops: nice lotion, soft music, she even dimmed the lights and watched her fish-tank for a little while. Nothing she tried helped her relax.

She was crawled in bed with a datapad about to turn off her own lights and maybe read herself to sleep when EDI popped up on her bedside table, round, blue and sparkling.

"Shepard. Garrus Vakarian is at your door."

"Uh..." She didn't want to talk to Garrus. She was in her _pajamas_. She smelled like fancy lotions and soaps. She pulled the covers up over herself, feeling ridiculous.

"Would you like me to tell him you are unavailable?" _Yes. Please. Go away._

But Commander Jane Shepard, battle-scarred poker-faced Alliance Hero, panicked. "No! EDI, It's fine. Send him in." _Fuck_.

The door abruptly opened, and Shepard sat up straight, trying her best to look respectable.

Garrus was there, dressed down for the evening, clean and sharp as always. The only thing marring his usually pristine visage was the bandage over his scars. He walked in quickly and started talking just as fast.

"I'm sorry Shepard, I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I didn't realize. I wasn't thinking about-"

He seemed to finally actually look at her, and froze. One foot down the stairs to the lowered platform half of her cabin stood in, mandibles frozen in awkward jutting angles. Then he shook his head and coughed through a laugh.

"You look, uh... cozy."

Shepard felt her face get hot, but she wanted this interaction to be over with.

"Garrus, it's really fine."

"You need some reading glasses? Or a hot beverage? I'm sure the mess would oblige."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm impressed. Truly. Very species-specific jokes, Vakarian. Were you apologizing, or...?"  
Garrus finished laughing, and his body relaxed. He sat down on the stairs in front of her bed, now at her eye-level. His voice got softer, quieter. "Right. Yes. I recognize that your family and home colony was abducted by slavers and that I was... insensitive. Stupid. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It's not."

"I'm okay."

"Well... I'll take your word for it," He stood up. "And I'll leave you to your evening. Honestly, it looks nice. Sure you don't need a crandle?"

"A... what?"

"You know. It's on fire. Smells nice."

"A candle, Garrus. A candle."

"Right."

"How do you know...?"

"A buddy of mine at C-Sec, an older human, had lots of trouble in his marriage. Told us lots of stories. Other humans in the office suggested gifts."

"Is that what you'd get your partner, if they were a human? Glasses, tea, and candles?"

"Clearly not. They ended up divorced." Shepard finally laughed, then yawned.

"Alright, big guy. I'm going to bed. You can stand there all night and watch if you want, but no more talking. I'm fucking exhausted."

"That's... an interesting suggestion."

"It was a joke. Good night, Garrus."

"Good night, Shepard."

She was asleep 10 minutes after the door shut behind him.


	7. Horizon

**Horizon**

The sky was an eerie sort of stirred-up blue-grey, like a storm was coming - but the air was still. .

Fields of tall, dry grasses made up the spaces between settlement areas of the farming community. Tall communications towers, grain silos, and anti-air guns marked spaces between collections of short, rectangular apartments, kitchens, warehouses and labs.

All empty.

Garrus' eyes shifted left to right as he followed behind and to the right of the commander. It was all too quiet. A palpable thrum of tension in the air had him on edge. What if they were too late? _Focus. Protect Shepard._

Shepard hadn't taken him on the last few missions. He supposed it wasn't that big a deal - she needed to build relationships with the other crew members if they were going to be a cohesive team in the coming mission, and the idea that she had come to trust the rest of the crew to have her back was comforting.

He'd still watched their every move from the cockpit with Joker and EDI. It had felt strange to not be at her side. Though, admittedly, it felt even stranger to be back., considering who they were about to see.

He and Kaidan hadn't exactly seen eye-to-eye after Shepard's passing.

 _Anderson and Udina had been trying to get the Counsel to act on the reaper threat for weeks after the Normandy's destruction. There was evidence that the ship was hit by a weapon matching the energy signatures of collector weapons and Sovereign. The Counsel didn't want to hear it. Garrus and Kaidan was waiting in the human embassy while the counsel deliberated, next to each other on off-white chairs in front of Udina's desk. They sat in silence, tension growing, staring out the windows simulating a deep nighttime. Until -_

 _"You know they're going to do nothing." Garrus shot._

 _"The counsel? Basically." Kaidan didn't even look at him. Garrus' eyes narrowed._

 _"And you're okay with that?"_

 _"Of course not, Garrus, but I have to keep working."_

 _"And doing what? Pushing papers, Staff Commander?" That got his attention. Kaidan squared his posture and gaze on the Turian._

 _"You going to hold my promotion against me, now?" He asked firmly._

 _"You got promoted because you didn't make a fuss." Garrus dismissed._

 _"What am I supposed to do? The Alliance is doing everything we can."_

 _"That's bullshit and you know it. You just don't have the balls to stick to your guns."_

 _"And what are you doing to mobilize C-SEC for the cause?"_

 _"I'm leaving C-SEC."_

 _"What?" Kaidan's eyes widened. It was Garrus' turn to look away._

 _"I said I'm leaving, Alenko. I'm going to the Terminus Systems."_

 _"For what, exactly?"_

 _"None of your damned business."_

 _"Sure, Garrus, Sure. And while you're at it, I wish you'd stop blaming me for her death."_

 _A heartbeat._

 _"I ... I don't."_

 _"You do."_

 _"I don't."_

 _"Okay."_

 _"It's just-"_

 _"That's what I thought."_

 _"Fuck you. You NEVER leave her behind. Never. I never did and I never would and you did and she died." They were both out of their chairs now, close. Garrus wasn't sure how he got there. There was a metallic scent in the air, sharp and bitter and sad. Finally, Kaidan sat down._

 _"I know," he said, defeated. Garrus was shocked._

 _"Kaidan, I'm sorry. But - spirits - how can you be so calm? Aren't you angry?"_

 _"Garrus, I loved her, and she's gone, and I have to keep going. I have to keep going because it's all I have left."_

" _Collectors_!"

Jane's shout brought him ripping out of his memory like a bolt of lightning.

 _Well, this meeting should be... interesting,_ he thought.

And he started shooting.

"NO! Don't let them get away!"

The colony engineer ran as if to catch up with the fleeing Collector ship, waving his arms and ball cap. Jane pained for him.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do. They're gone."

The man's pain couldn't be soothed with so few words. His frustration was palpable, and Shepard felt the loss.

"Half the colony's in there - they took Egan and Sam and - and Lillith!" He approached Shepard and pointed at her. " _Do_ something."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then said mostly to herself,

"I did what I could."

Garrus stepped up from behind her and put a hand to her shoulder. "More than most, Shepard," he affirmed.

"Wait - Shepard. Yeah, I know that name," said the engineer, narrowing his eyes with suspicion. "You're some type of big Alliance hero."

Shepard rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to respond but froze, heart leaping to her throat. Out from around a nearby air filtration unit stepped a confident, reverent soldier she hardly recognized.

 _Kaidan_.

He locked eyes with her as he walked forward.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel." Joining the group, his gaze finally left her as he turned to the engineer -

"You're in the presence of a legend, Illan," - and back to Shepard.

"And a ghost."

The moment was broken by the engineer - Illan - scoffing. "All the good people we lost and you get left behind," he said, gesturing towards Kaidan. "Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types."

"You're welcome," she heard Garrus mutter wryly as the man disappeared. She almost didn't pick it up. All of her senses were on pins and needles, loud static, sharp and dull at the same time. _Kaidan_.

He was closing the distance between them, and she let him in, locking in an embrace that she could have held for a lifetime.

"Jane. I thought you were dead," he whispered, breaking his hold on her, then shooting a strange glance at Garrus, who was leaning against a nearby supply crate, staring him right back down. "We _all_ did."

"I - I'm sorry, Kaidan." her breath caught in her throat. His stern gaze turned on her.

"Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years _dead_ , and say you're _sorry_? I thought we had something," he said, his voice breaking, "Something real. I _loved_ you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? _Why didn't you let me know you were alive_?"

She had so much she wanted to tell him, but it all came up a jumbled mess in her mind. Her training kicked in. _Report. Just the facts. The feelings later._

"It... it wasn't my choice. I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

His eyes narrowed to slits, he backed away, eyeing the symbol on Miranda's armor.

"You're with Cerberus now. Garrus too," he seethed. "I can't believe the reports were right."

 _Shit. Shit. No._

"Reports. Y _ou mean you already knew_. Don't give her this shit." Garrus' voice was cutting, but Kaidan ignored him, closing in on Shepard.

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing colonies. I got a tip that this one might be the next to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

Heat rose to Jane's face but she fought it down. She had spent so long wondering if what she was doing was right. If the Alliance was really so behind, so misguided that they really believed Cerberus was behind the colonies disappearing, then they were on track to fail. Only through Cerberus was she going to be able to make any change in time enough to save lives. She knew this now. She spoke with the strength that knowledge gave her.

"Cerberus and I want the same thing, to save human colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them. You should know me better than that."

"The person I knew would never work for a terrorist organization, Jane! Jesus! I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this." He got close enough to Shepard that she saw, out of the corner of her eye, Garrus slowly unlock the holster on his rifle. She heard Miranda plant her feet behind her. She saw in front of her the furrowed eyebrows, severe frown and hating eyes of the man she had loved. And she stared right back. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

In the face of his fury, it took everything she had to hold his gaze.

"I _know_ what I'm doing is right. You saw it for yourself - the Collectors are working with the Reapers. You can keep chasing my tail, making no progress, while Alliance and Citadel leadership sits on their hands. _I'm_ going to save lives."

He shook his head. "You've changed, but I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier, always will be." He backed away one last time.

"I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide whether they believe your story or not. Goodbye, Jane. And be careful."

Shepard watched as he left, then closed her eyes, shaking her head. After a moment of blessed silence, Garrus' metalic voice sounded close beside her.

"You did great. He finally got angry. But he'll be okay. Anyway, fuck 'em." he said simply, and kicked some dust in the Staff Commander's general direction. "Let's get off this rock, huh?"

"Yeah," Shepard replied, her body sagging just a little bit with fatigue. She took his elbow as they walked. "I've had enough of this planet for a lifetime."


	8. Normandy - Port Cargo

**Normandy - Port Cargo**

Garrus stepped off the Normandy's elevator onto the engineering deck, tapping at his omni-tool. He'd finally found Sidonis - or at least he found who was hiding him. The next step was to bring it to Shepard. The ship's AI had directed him to the port cargo bay.

"She asks not to be disturbed unless it's important, however," EDI had advised.

This was more than important. What exactly could she be doing in there that was worth the warning? Grunt wasn't even in there, Garrus had passed him on the crew deck talking to Zaeed and Jack in the mess.

The door slid open and he found the commander half-naked, sweating, and grunting as she boxed a giant krogan-grade punching bag.

Ah. She was blowing off steam.

It was an impressive display. He'd forgotten that they'd bought some exercise gear to help with Grunt's strangely violent impulses. His room was now basically a training gym for monsters, and Shepard was taking it to task. Her up-close-and-personal combat style combined with physical, biotic and cerberus-enhanced strength made her basically a tiny krogan anyway.

She wore small, tight-fitting garments that showed more of her body than Garrus had ever seen, and it made him a little nervous. They were black, the N7 logo shining with the sweat she was shedding. He turned around to leave her be when something soft hit him in the back of the head. He glanced to the floor - a roll of bandages? - and back up to Shepard, who was holding up her wrapped hands.

"A rather large bird told me you were the top hand-to-hand specialist in your class in the military," she said with a smirk.

"I was, at least, of the males," he answered cautiously. "Is this a challenge?"

"It sure is. You chicken?"

"I don't know what that means. But sure, I'll play." Guess it was off with the tunic, then.

"How does the fleet fight their battles?"

"Full contact, mixed martial-arts. Just don't hit me in the face, okay? It's seen enough damage." He wrapped his knuckles - mostly for her sake, carapace-to-skin contact was going to be rough - and she watched him carefully.

"What? Haven't you seen a half-naked turian before?"

"I mean, in books. Diagrams. You look good, Gar."

He was surprised at the compliment, but smiled, eyes refocusing on his task.

"You do too, Commander. I think. I don't really know what makes a human beautiful," he finished and stretched his talons to test mobility, "But I have a feeling."

The two sparred so long they lost track of time. Turians were generally physically stronger than humans on average, mostly just due to size, but Shepard wasn't your average human. He definitely had reach on her, but she was fast, flexible, and focused. She was also a lot harder to grip. Slick with sweat, softer, smoother, without as many edges.

When they finally stopped, they collapsed in a heap. Exhausted, breathing hard, they didn't care where their limbs fell on the matted floor.

"I," Jane said between fast, hard breaths, "demand a rematch,"

Garrus wheezed a laugh, coughing between chortles.

"Give me at least a day to recover," he gasped, and turned his body to face hers beside him. "So... did you at least draw an Alenko caricature on that bag before you destroyed it?" He meant to be lighthearted, and she smiled, but her eyes shifted suddenly to reflect pain and loss.

"I'm sort of doing this so I don't have to think about that anymore," she said quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry," he replied, and meant it. She had gone through so much. And those eyes... the last time he had looked into them this deeply, he was sure he was dead. A goner, bleeding out, staring at two shining, green orbs framed with flaming red. She had been almost crying, but he wasn't sad. He had her. They'd fought like hell together one last time. Looking into those eyes, he'd been at peace. Ready to die.

He was suddenly very aware of how close they were. Side-by-side, he noticed their breathing had slowed but not yet steadied.

The tight pit in his stomach, the fluttering in his chest were familiar sensations. He knew he loved her. What he didn't know was what to do with it.

A human. With totally different biology. They couldn't even eat the same food, it could be literally toxic for them to get close. And that was even assuming she were remotely interested. What horror it must be to a small, fleshy, soft pink thing to be loved by a turian.

And that pain in her eyes. She wasn't over Kaidan. And something told him that Kaidan wasn't over her, either.

Oh, well. She was only the most incredible, powerful, brilliant person he'd ever meet. He'd get over it.

He turned away from her and abruptly stood, almost losing his balance in the process. He was putting his tunic back on when Shepard sat up, confused.

"Garrus? What's wrong?"

 _Wrong? Everything. But not for long._

"Commander. I came down here to to tell you I found Sidonis."


End file.
